My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she peed on how many people?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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