I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize