finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
