I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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