when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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