it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
