fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
