I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
