I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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