Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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