I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
