Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
