So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
