I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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