i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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