is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
