Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
