your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
