i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
