ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
