And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
