I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize