I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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