porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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