I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize