life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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