Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
