ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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