My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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