The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
