The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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