Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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