Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
