I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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