Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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