there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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