Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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