i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
