dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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