He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
