I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
