i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
