First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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