ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
