im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
