Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
