I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drake has all the answers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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