you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
