beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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