Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Text me some of your sweat
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