Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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