Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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