That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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