Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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