The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
