It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
