she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
