how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize