I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize