he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
