Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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