I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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