so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
