I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
