Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just high enough for therapy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize