Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need a beard to bite.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
