as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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