So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my liver is dry heaving
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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