I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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