i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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