Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you would pick up someone in the library
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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