K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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