We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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