I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
