Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
