Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My ass is underappreciated
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
