i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
