youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
