I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
