Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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