she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
