How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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