I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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