Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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