I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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