i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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