I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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