Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize