If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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