the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
