I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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