I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
