She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
