I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
