She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
