Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
