Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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