Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
