Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
