I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
