singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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