You really coming over, don't trick.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
