YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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