saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
