I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
