It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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