so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
