did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Boobs are out for the taking
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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