I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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