you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
