This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
