I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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