Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize