I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
