It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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