Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
