i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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